How to deal with toxic people.

I wrote this a while ago, for a website but it never got published so here it is.

How to deal with toxic people.

Toxic people have a habit of coming into your life and not leaving, whether it is an unresolvable situation or you just can’t get them out. But how can you keep your head and deal with it?

It is very normal to come into contact with people that you don’t quite have a great repeal with, and most of the time you can cut them out of your life, easy peasy they’re gone. But there is always that one person who you think is just going to be in and out of your life but they don’t. Sometimes you work with them, and unless you plan to leave your job, you will be with them a lot more.

Toxic people can pollute your thoughts and effect your day causing you to become tired as you waste all your energy trying to tip toe around them and in some cases it can make you feel bad about yourself, and no one needs that. Below are a few ways to deal with toxic people while having to spend time in their presence.

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The tips

First, know the signs:
On certain occasions, it can be difficult to see that you are in a relationship with a toxic person. Know the signs, so you can at best, distances and prepare yourself for their negative energy. A classic sign that you are dealing with a toxic person is that they are selfish. Now some types of selfishness can be useful, but toxic people go above and beyond, only see their needs within every situation.

They are not nice! They never have a kind word to say about anyone, and they constantly try to put you down, control you and try to out do you in everything. ‘You went away for the weekend; well I went away for a 5 star Paris trip.’ Really!

And the most famous sign is that they make you feel bad about yourself.

Don’t let yourself be controlled:
When an overbearing person tries to control you, sometimes it is only natural to let it happen because you don’t want the hassle. Stop. It is time to get back into control of your life, but here is how to do it without causing an issue. It is okay to say No.

‘We’re going to lunch here.’
‘Sorry no, I would like to go there.’

People hate the word no, as it sounds negative but in this case, when you always find yourself doing what the toxic person wants politely say no and suggest something that you would like to do. If they disagree, you can say thank you for their offer, but I am going where I want to. And offer them to come with you. If they decline, politely say, I will see you later and head in your direction.

This can be used in various situations; as long as you are polite, there should be no friction.

When they believe they are right:
When someone always believes they are right even when they are clearly wrong, it can be frustrating and get to you a lot. But does it matter?

Is it anything to do with you? If no, then way try to change their opinion? It will cause you to use too much energy trying to get your point across and even if you do, it would have probably caused an argument, and there just isn’t a need for it. Other people know there wrong, you are aware of they are wrong, so just leave them to be wrong. It doesn’t matter.

Let the energy talk for itself:
Most people can tell the difference between negative or positive energy within a situation. If someone near you makes you feel good and happy, then they are good for you, but if they make you feel upset and tired, they are draining you of your positive energy. Try and spend as little time as possible with those that drag you down.

Do what makes you happy:
Trying to make everyone happy isn’t your job. Your job is to ensure you’re happy. Toxic people can make you feel guilty if you don’t do something that will make them positive.

However doing something that makes someone happy can be great and sometimes it is worth it. But when it is constant, and you find it a strain?  It is time to put your happiness first. This is one of the key points to dealing with a toxic person.

Keep the relaxation an essential part of your day.
One of the most important tips to deal with toxic people is to take time out for you. Make time every day whether it’s 10 minutes or even an hour, that time is yours do whatever you like. Don’t let anyone take it away from you. The chance to relax away from the toxic energy is a perfect opportunity to distress after the minefields you have avoided during the day.

Occasionally you are lucky enough to be able to cut those toxic people straight out of your life. However, there is a higher chance you can’t. If you have experienced a toxic person in your life comment below on how you dealt with them and helped more people to make the best out of a bad situation.

Fibromyalgia, what you need to know!

I wrote this blog post from an article that was no longer needed, so I thought I would share it with you 🙂

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Fibromyalgia is said to be trigger by an event, and with the death of a close friend 5 years ago, nothing could have prepared me for the pain and upset that it caused and apparently my body couldn’t cope either, and having already being low I picked up glandular fever as well, I won’t go into that story haha.

For the first 2 years the condition seemed quite dormant, only being, occasional tried and only having pain a few bad days a month. But just as I started university, the fibromyalgia started getting worst. I was getting fatigued everyday, sleeping for roughly for 4 to 5 hours a day. Then the pain started getting more intense as the time went past. As I continue with uni I was beginning to miss days because I couldn’t move and was just to tired.

Having to deal with the physical side effects were hard, but fibromyalgia also affected my mind. I would get fibro- fog which is memory issues and would forget everything I needed to do, and often mix up sentences and conversation.

I still have all these problems, but I can gladly say that thanks to a fitness routine and a new eating plan, the pain hasn’t got worst and is beginning decrease, even if it is slowly.

What is Fibromyalgia:
Often I am asked what even is Fibromyalgia? Having fibromyalgia is having nerve pain, neuropathic pain or having a hypersensitive nervous system that causes all of the symptoms you can see below. It is hard to diagnose because the condition can also be confused with so many, such as M.E.

What are symptoms of Fibromyalgia: 
Chronic pain, fatigue, bloating, nausea, headaches, feeling anxiety or depressed are just some of the main symptoms people can exhibit with Fibromyalgia, each person is different though.

It is an invisible illnesses:
You are not able to look at someone and know they have Fibromyalgia. It is an invisible illness, just like a lot of other conditions. But that doesn’t mean that it isn’t real! Having an invisible illness is just as important as a disorder you can see. I have found that people can be very judgmental to individuals with this condition.

I have had my own experiences of people being judgemental towards me. For example, I have had people ignore me when I tell them about my condition, and that has also resulted in me losing friends and possible dates. I have even had people undermine my condition.

These are just some of my favourite quotes I have received “It is not like you have cancer, so what are you moaning about” or “Just get over it”. Cool. Thanks… Not!

Fibromyalgia can be managed:
Fantastically there is a way to help manage this condition that helps you live a somewhat normal life. Some clinics help you learn and manage your condition, other forms of management can come as cognitive behavioural therapy and psychotherapy. It can take a long time for the condition to be managed. 

We have to take each day at a time:
I have good or bad days, but you never know when this will happen. Pain can strike at any time. My worst time is always after I have done something the day before. The next day I can not move!

But for others, they might be out and about enjoying their day, and boom fibro strikes.
Sometimes this means cancelling plans because you are psychically unable to do it.

I know I am properly not alone when I say this, but changing plans makes me feel unbelievably guilty. So so guilty. Thoughts race through my head, will they think I don’t want to be with them? Will they understand? Will they hate me? These seem irrational, but it totally happens. But if you’re lucky you will have a great group of people that completely understand. I know I do.

Please be careful how you treat people with long-term conditions.                                           For all long term conditions, whether it be anxiety, depression, chronic fatigue, thyroids or more, many people seem to have the same behaviour towards you talking about it. In short, it appears like they are saying, please don’t!

I try not the mention my condition to people unless it is going to impact on them. I have found people do not want to hear about it, or they are fed up with hearing about it, and make this fact very evident. It hurts, we can’t help it and we are trying to improve it, but negative feelings towards us, isn’t going to help. It makes the minority of us, feel awful, useless and upset.

But… in saying that I know I can be sensitive especially when days are bad, which means we also need to understand that everyone is going through their own personal fights and if someone shows us aggression, to what seems is aimed at our condition, might in fact have nothing anything do with us.

Overall long term conditions take a lot out of everyone, the things to do it try to stay positive and one of my favourite sayings, learn to dance in the rain. If you can go through life with this and still be awesome, kind and loving, you are indeed winning at life.

DisclaimerIf you think you are suffering with a long term condition, please go and seek help from a health professional as they will be able to point you to the right cause of action. Also these points might not apply to everyone, but from what I have found via research on both social media and from talking to other people these are the main issues. 

Bibliography: http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Fibromyalgia/Pages/Introduction.aspx